I'm sitting here on Christmas Eve wrapped up in a blanket (it is cold!) just reflecting about the past year and this wonderful new Christmas spirit the Lord has blessed me with - I have a child and it has brought about a whole new side to Christmas that I never thought about. Lucy Paige is fast asleep after a long day of visiting with family and TJ is at our church prepping for the Christmas Eve service. I'm listening to Christmas music and it is so beautiful. This post may be a little random because I just have lots of different thoughts going on! I'll try to keep paragraphs about the same thing and not ramble! :)
1. My favorite Christmas song is "Oh Holy Night", because my favorite lyrics are in it:
"Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till He appeared and the soul felt it's worth,
The thrill of hope, the wearing world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn."
Those lines speak so much truth to me - the world was waiting on Jesus all those years ago just like before we accept Christ as our Savior, we are waiting for something - anything to fill this void we have deep down. Some of us fill it with love from others; sex, drugs, and rock and roll; friendships, relationships, pride in ourselves, work, our children, money, and just about anything that makes us feel something. We are desperate to feel worthy… feel accepted… feel anything… feel loved… And then, in my case, Jesus - only Jesus happened. My soul felt it's worth when I believed Him and accepted His gift that He freely gives with no strings attached. He loved me for me - not because of my talents or beauty or anything I could offer. Think about that line; "the soul felt it's worth" - has your soul, your deep down soul ever felt it's worth? All I'm going to say is that all that other stuff can make you feel good and for a little while it will cover the void but it can not fill it. Only Christ can fill that space in your soul and make it feel what it - you - are actually worth. And when that happens, when He becomes your motivation, your everything, that's when you will always have a "new and glorious morn"! He turns darkness into light, He makes all things new. He is the Savior of the world! He is worthy of "all our Hoorays", as Lucy's Bible says. So, now you know one of my favorite Christmas songs! :)
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| I'll write more about this picture later, just know that is is super special and I am so excited that LP has that stocking. |
2. TJ and I have been talking about how so much has changed in just a short time - last year at Christmas I was around 3 months pregnant. We had just told our church family the good news and everyone was so excited. We had the usual Christmas gatherings and our family was so excited about Baby Phelps! I have always loved our traditional gatherings with my family - it's been the same for as long as I can remember: Christmas Eve night with Nana and Granddaddy Clay, Christmas Day breakfast at Granny and Pop's, and going to see my Granddaddy Christmas Day evening (usually! Granddaddy was flexible!). And last year was no different, we did our usual gatherings and since TJ and I have been together, we go to his sister's house too. Well, as you know my Granny passed away after Christmas last year, then Granddaddy in April, and then Poppa in September. For 26 years I had all of my grandparents and for most of my life I had 3 great-grandparents. This Christmas has been so surreal, I just expect the usual gatherings but it is not and won't happen. Yes, we've seen the same family but we are missing 3 very special people and my heart just hurts over that. I knew that my Granny and Pop wouldn't be around forever but I just pictured Lucy Paige going to their house and eating eggs and watching tv and playing outside and getting that coke before leaving… I pictured her with my Granddaddy, playing with his puppies and riding the tractor and melting his heart with her dashing good looks :) I miss them so much and it's almost not fair but when I truly think about them, I know they are full of joy and I'm just being a little selfish wanting to keep them here with me for as longs as I'm here. I feel the same way about TJ's parents, I never knew them but I know they'd be so proud of Lucy Paige and Lauraline. I know they would have been head-over-heals in love with those two precious girls. Christmas with Lucy has really made me think about the things that mean the most to me and those are faith, family, and friends. My faith in Christ is the only thing that has spurred me on and kept me going - He is my Rock, my Friend, my Savior, my Abba Father. He is all that I need and always there for me. I love my little family and love that Lucy Paige was given to us. She is, right now, so perfect and awesome. I love my Mom, Dad, sisters, sisters' boyfriends, my sister-in-law, my awesome niece, my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. It has been so wonderful being able to see everyone this Christmas - family is so important. I am also thankful for friends, old and new, in our lives. Friends are those people that you can pick to become apart of your family! :) So, so much has changed in this year and while I'm still getting used to all the changes, I am so thankful for what the Lord has blessed us with. Change is hard, it is so hard but it can be good if you choose to make it good. And we are choosing to make this change good because we can't change what's happened but we can choose our attitudes and choose to make these changes blessings.
3. I love Lucy Paige so much. She really is everything that is perfect wrapped in a tiny bundle! I love to just look at her and just marvel at her awesomeness! :) I can not fathom how people don't believe in miracles after seeing a tiny baby or how people can say that babies are a "choice"… I'm going to brag a little so if you don't like reading about the awesomeness feel free to leave……… :) Ok, my daughter is so smart, she is the smartest baby I've ever seen. She studies her toys and new surroundings - she takes things in and you can tell she is trying to understand and learn. She is developmentally ahead of the curve and is already semi-crawling! She will be crawling in the next 2 weeks, I'm sure of it. She is so close! She sits up, rolls over, and talks so well. No "real" words just yet but we have conversations all the time. She is the best eater and napper. Knock on wood, all I have to do is put her in her bed and she falls asleep within 5 minutes. I am in awe of her, all the time. Literally, I just stare at her and wonder at God and His work. He made her, He knows her, He loves her the best, He has good, good plans for her. He has entrusted her sweet, little self to TJ and me to care for her and point her to Christ. And Lord willing, we try and mess us daily. I'm so grateful for grace and mercy in our lives! Seriously, Lucy Paige is the best. I love her sweet self so much. 
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